Artex Monkey Royston Diarea

The Future

Av sin the future. The future is Barnsley. Well wiv gorrus new bus station nar so wi can't fail. It meks a change from t'good old days when a'd come art er Odeon on Satdi into summat resembling a cowshed. Hoping ad got missen in t'reight queue for t'Ryhill bus, but tha cud never bi sure till tha got ter t'front.

A went thru t'new bus station t'other day. A reckon it'll luk alreight when they gerrit finished. It's like a bloody greenhouse when t'sun's art. In t'old bus station tha ad to wear three coits even in t'middle er June. They ought ter get sum plants growin' in t'bridge ovver to t'trains. Am sure the'd gerra nice crop art er it.

The colour scheme is a bit mad in't it? I thowert a wer tripping. Luks like thev bowert paint at a car booit sale. It's bloody big in theear. There were these two wimmin coming art er t'lavs, one wi a fog-horn of er voice saying she'd just christened t'new bogs. Then she headed ovver to Stand12 to catch an Athersley bus. Which is reight next ter wheear av gorra catch t'bus ter mi mam's on Stand 13... unlucky for sum a reckon

Talkin abart luk, a wer sat theear on Sunday afternooin waiting for a bus as tha does, and t'roof starting leaking. An it wa'n't even raining. Luks like sumdi'd left a tap on upstairs or summat. There were a reight puddle on t'floor. An it wa'n't me a tell thi. Cos ad just bin in ter t'new lavs to leave mi terrirtorial mark. And at this moment in time a reckon I hold rekewered for t'highest mark up the urinal wall. Am good at that, and pissing in t'wind is another hobby er mine.

Thev gorrall sewerts in t'new bus station. Thev even gorra baby changing room. A think that's wheear tha teks any ugly bairns thaz got and gets a better lukkin one back. Thev got their work cut art in Barnsley.

So this is the start of a new beginning for Barnsley. Wi'v just gorra get ridda that metropolitan centre shite nar. When they do a hope they dun't replace it wi summat like t'Alhambra. Tha could bi anywheear in theear. It's like the black hole er Barnsley. A only go in to get ter Wilkinsons to get sum cat litter tray freshner for mi mam, and sum snap bags for mi fatha. Viva Barnsley.

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